now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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