I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
