My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
