i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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