someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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