Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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