Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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