My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
