thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
