Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
