is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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