Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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