Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
