they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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