Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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