I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
