Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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