took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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