its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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