Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
