I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
