Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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