Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
