shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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