wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
