This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
