I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
