it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
