Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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