i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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