WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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