I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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