that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
