Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
