that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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