3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
