that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
