She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize