is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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