I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
