yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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