I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
