He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
