Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I AM VODKA MAN
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
