Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
