he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
