Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
