PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
