just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
