These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
