i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
