The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
