I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should be sponsored by Trojan
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
