yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
