He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
