OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
