p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
