we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
