Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
