Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
