you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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