I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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