Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
