So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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