I got chris browned last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
